You can break free from your parent's manipulation, control and narcissistic abuse
resources
The Narcissistic Parent
Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents
Book by Lindsay Gibson, PsyD
Psychology of the Narcissistic Parent
Video by Jay Reid, LPCC
A concise explanation of the psychology that underlies the narcissistic parent's treatment of their child, especially the scapegoated child.
8 Toxic Ways Narcissistic Mothers Emotionally Abuse Their Children
Article by Shahida Arabi
The Scapegoated Child in the Narcissistic Family: Why?
Video by Jay Reid, LPCC
3 Types of a Daughter / Narcissistic Mother Relationship
Video by Dr. Todd Grande
Sons of Narcissistic Fathers
PsychCentral article by Darlene Lancer, LMFT, JD
Narcissistic Mothers: Severe to Enmeshing
Video by Soul GPS
Patrick Teahan's Role Plays
Video series by Patrick Teahan, LICSW
Includes mock conversations with a specific type of narcissistic or borderline parent.
The Malignant Borderline Parent
Understanding the Borderline Mother: Helping Her Children Transcend the Intense, Unpredictable, and Volatile Relationship
Book by Christine Ann Lawson, PhD
A book like no other, with spot-on descriptions of extremely destructive behaviors not described as well anywhere else.
BPD: The Waif, The Hermit, The Queen and The Witch
Video by Kris Godinez, LPC
Surviving the Borderline Parent
Book by Kimberlee Roth and Freda Friedman, PhD, LCSW
Petulant Borderline Mother - Role-Play - 3 Versions - BPD
Part of a video series by Patrick Teahan, LICSW
A mock conversation with a petulant borderline mother, then with a healthy mother, then how to handle the first scenario.
The Borderline Mother: Matriarchy and Its Discontents
Blog post written for therapists by anonymous clinician
Some of the most psychologically detailed yet accessible information online.
Chaos and Elucidation: The Borderline Kōan
If you liked that post, here is the prequel post.
10 Signs of a Malignant Borderline
Video by therapist Lise Leblanc
The Narcissistic Family Explained
Blog post by JH Simon
The Narcissistic Family: Cast of Characters and Glossary of Terms
Narcissist Family Files post by Julie L. Hall
Ten Rules Found in Narcissistic Homes
Psych Central article by Sharie Stines, PsyD, LPCC
The Narcissistic Family Tree
Article by Karyl McBride, PhD
Narcissistic Abuse in the Family
Video by Jay Reid, LPCC
The Hidden Trauma of Neglect in the Narcissistic Family
Narcissist Family Files post by Julie L. Hall
Narcissistic Families:
Pseudomutual, Pseudohostile
Video lecture by Prof. Sam Vaknin
The Narcissist
Excellent 1-minute videos
(that might be hard to hear about your parent)
Arguing With a Narcissist is Very Tough Because They Can NOT See Your Reality
Video by Richard Grannon
Colorful description of the personality structure of the pathological narcissist.
They are Emotion-Generating Machines
Video by Richard Grannon
Hard truth about narcissists at their worst.
Understanding The Narcissists In Your Life And What To Do About Them Featuring Dr. Ramani
Video interview by Mel Robbins
Understanding Narcissistic Personality Disorder
Video playlist by psychologist Abdul Saad
The Altruistic Narcissist: Beware of Their 'Care'
Video by therapist Jay Reid, LPCC
The Narcissist in Your Life: Recognizing the Patterns and Learning to Break Free
Book by Julie L. Hall
The Narcissist You Know: Defending Yourself Against Extreme Narcissists in an All-About-Me Age
Book by psychologist Joseph Burgo, PhD
The Covert Passive Aggressive Narcissist
Book by Debbie Mirza
Dealing with Narcissists
Living with Abusers
Animated video by therapist TheraminTrees
The Highly Sensitive Persons Guide to Dealing with Toxic People
Book by Shahida Arabi
Negotiating with Narcissists
Video playlist by Frederik Ribersson
Breaking the Narcissists' Game
Video playlist by Frederik Ribersson
5 Mind Games Narcissists Play
Video by Richard Grannon
5 key Strategies for Dealing with Narcissists
Video by psychologist Abdul Saad
Psychological Servitude
Codependency • Trauma Bond • Hoover
Stop Caretaking the Borderline or Narcissist: How to End the Drama and Get On with Life
Book by Margalis Fjelstad, LMFT
The book that has helped many turn the corner towards freedom.
Don't Rock the Boat
Post on Reddit about codependency with a toxic mother
What is "Trauma Bonding"?
Video by Dr. Ramani
Breaking The Trauma Bonds With A Narcissist
Video by Dr. Les Carter
Mama Trauma Bonding: Narcissistic and Borderline Moms
Video by Dr. Kim Sage
This Is What Trauma Bonding With A Narcissist Does To A Decent Person
Video by Dr. Les Carter
Trauma Bonding and Other Questions
Video by Kris Godinez, LPC
The Hoover (Why We Get Pulled Back In)
Video by Kris Godinez, LPC
Manipulation
Who's Pulling Your Strings?: How to Break the Cycle of Manipulation and Regain Control of Your Life
Book by Harriet Braiker, PhD
In Sheep's Clothing: Understanding and Dealing with Manipulative People
Book by George K. Simon, PhD
Become Impossible to Manipulate!
6 Ways to Recognize and Stop Manipulation / Gaslighting
Video by behavior analyst "Spidey"
Signs of manipulation and easy-to-remember come-backs.
Narcissistic Abuse
Resisting Emotional Blackmail: When 'Compassion' Corrupts
Animated video by therapist TheraminTrees
Double Binds: Narcissistic No-Win Mind Games
Animated video by therapist TheraminTrees
Gaslighting = Brainwashing; Lie, Rinse, Repeat
Video by Kris Godinez, LPC
Narcissistic Smear Campaign: What It Is, Tactics, & How to Deal With It
Article by Kaytee Gillis, LCSW-BACS
Surviving Narcissists and Psychopaths
2019 documentary
Recovery from Childhood Trauma
Break the Cycle
Website by Peter K. Gerlach, MSW
Free self-paced program, Facebook group, and YouTube for "healing the unintended legacy of psychological wounds from early-childhood abandonment, neglect, and abuse (trauma)." Incorporates IFS – Internal Family Systems.
Inner Critic vs Healthy Internal Dialogue
Video by Kris Godinez, LPC
Highlights: • 21-35 min: What to do about self-esteem and the inner critic. • 42-46 min: How do you recover from this type of abuse? • 1hr 12 min: Seeing the abuser again: the adrenaline and trauma bond.
Healing the Adult Children of Narcissists
Book by Shahida Arabi
Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, or Self-Involved Parents
Book by Lindsay C. Gibson, PsyD
Will I Ever Be Good Enough? Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers
Book by Karyl McBride, PhD
The Disease To Please: Curing the People-Pleasing Syndrome
Book by Harriet Braiker, PhD
The Self-Esteem Workbook
Book by Glenn R. Schiraldi, PhD
The Body Keeps the Score
Book by Bessel van der Kolk, MD
Complex PTSD
Recovery from Childhood Trauma
Was I Abused? Childhood PTSD Info And Questionnaire
Video by Patrick Teahan, LICSW
Excellent video that describes “tricky families" and helps identify hard-to-recognize childhood trauma.
Complex PTSD: From Surviving To Thriving
Book by Pete Walker, MFT
The classic book on cPTSD.
Pete-Walker.com
Website of the author of Complex PTSD
To check out while you are waiting for the book.
Emotional Neglect and Complex PTSD
Article by Pete Walker, MFT
Sections: • Denial and Minimization • Verbal and Emotional Abuse • Emotional Neglect: The Core Wound in Complex PTSD • The Evolutionary Basis of Attachment Needs • Abandonment Stultifies Emotional and Relational Intelligence • The Neuroplasticity of the Brain
Topics: • Environments which might lead to the development of codependent or traumatized behavior. • Similarities between codependency complex PTSD, and BPD. • Common underlying attachment and trauma issues and identity. • Strategies to help people with these diagnoses start to address their trauma and insecure attachment.
Heal the Parental (Original) Wounds
Video by Kris Godinez, LPC
What Do Codependency, Borderline Personality & cPTSD have in common?
Video lecture for therapist CEUS by Dr. Dawn-Elise Snipes
Long-Term Narcissistic Abuse Can Cause Brain Damage
Psych Central Article by Kim Saeed
Counterexamples
Parenting • Family • Relationships
I am a little Mommy to Cole, it’s true. R-E-S-P-E-C-T my guy. Or else.
This TikTok channel of a young child by her mom shows how gently she parents and her teaching anD encouraging empathy (and love between siblings).
Being Present
Simon Sinek on YouTube
The Most Selfish Thing You Can Do In a Relationship
Simon Sinek on YouTube
This Is Us (TV show)
NBC – Streaming on Hulu
A fictional TV show with good parenting and relationships. Of course, the show's depiction is idealized, but it does also show missteps. It also shows good parenting and relationships by people whose own parent’s were toxic/disordered, such as Jack’s excellent parenting, despite his own upbringing.
FINDING A THERAPIST
Tips
Use these keywords to look for a trauma therapist:
-- trauma
-- attachment-based
-- Interpersonal Neurobiology
-- Internal Family Systems -- IFS
-- Somatic Experiencing
-- Sensorimotor
How to Find a Qualified Therapist in Your Area
Video by Kris Godinez, LPC
Watch out for THIS when looking for a therapist to help you cope with a narcissistic relationship
Video by Dr. Ramani
AEDP Psychotherapist Directory
Dr. Karyl McBride's Therapist Referral Directory
Therapists who have taken training in Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers by the author of Will I Ever Be Good Enough? Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers.
IFS (Internal Family Systems) Practitioner Directory
Parnell Institute for EMDR member listing
Boundaries
How to Stand Up for Yourself!
Video by Kris Godinez, LPC
Boundaries Are Not Expectations
Video by Heidi Priebe
If You Are Struggling With Boundaries in Your Life, Watch This!
Video by Mel Robbins
Defining Boundaries and Setting Limits
Setting Stone-Cold Boundaries with Toxic Boundary Violators
Blog Post at NarcBlog.com
How to Set Adult Boundaries with Narcissistic Parents
Psych Central article by Christine Hammond, LMHC
YOUTUBE CHANNELS
and notable videos
Therapist with superior reasoning skills offers logical analyses of psychological abuse in beautifully animated video lessons
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Grey rock and "beige rock"
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Moving from mindless reflex reactions toward mindful reflective responses
In particular, 15:35 - 20:20 explain:
The Physiological Sigh
is a powerful technique for stimulating the
vagus nerve
to shift your nervous system from a state of
sympathetic arousal
("fight or flight")
[or freeze, fawn, or collapse]
to a
parasympathetic state
("rest and digest").
It might remind you of a crying child who is starting to recover, with a double-short sniff followed by a long exhale.
